As a man in my mid-30s who grew up working in the trades in the Midwest culture, I was steeped in “Doing what it takes” and “Don’t put off till tomorrow what you can get done today.” In fact, this week itself was a full work week with a stack of classes on top of it and homework to boot. I won’t even mention the chores of managing the house and kids.
There truly are never enough hours in the day to get everything that needs to get done completed. And adding an appointment into the middle of all of it to sit down and talk to a therapist while that list of jobs hangs over my head doesn’t always sound like a good idea.
If I need to talk, I could just call one of my friends later, right?
But as second-generation residential painter with 20 years of experience, I’m also familiar with the differences in quality between the lay-persons skillset and a craftsman’s.
So, when earlier this spring a new friend of mine shared that he had been having a hard time with his wife for the last several years and followed that up by saying he didn’t need a therapist because he knew how to vent his frustrations…
I understood that.
And, I also understand that anyone can build a house. But you don’t do it all yourself without consulting professionals: architects, framers, plumbers, HVAC tech’s, etc…
So why wouldn’t we consult with professionals when it comes to the most significant relationships of our lives?
Our spouses, wives, husbands, partners, housemates, children, parents…
Why don’t we consult with professionals on how to effectively engage in relationships with others?
This is a therapist’s role.
Full disclosure… I didn’t see a therapist until after I had decided to become one.
The cart came before the horse on that one, I see it…
Since that time, I’ve witnessed an unwinding of my own personal stories and have found myself realigned to my own voice and power.
While I grew up in a family and career where we very much believed men don’t need therapy, we also believed that we needed to have a practical skillset and be well read on many topics.
It was also implied that to be ignorant was to be weak.
So, here’s the truth of it: it’s ignorant to think therapy can’t be helpful or that you don’t need it just because you’re a man who can handle it yourself.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you can’t handle it yourself or that a therapist knows more about your life than you do.
What I am saying is that, there are decades of experience, thousands of studies, millions of lives, that are all touched by counseling that inform every therapist’s tool kit that aren’t readily available to the layperson.
Even an intern who is working through their master’s program is informed by hundreds of professionals with many decades of experience before they are even allowed to counsel other students at a university’s clinic.
(And did you know interns are often less expensive with greater availability? It’s not a bad idea to choose an intern to work with…)
But I also want to quickly say here, not every therapist has the right toolkit for the job or is going to fit your personality, so maybe learn how to choose the right therapist for you.
By the way, counseling isn’t just about being able to talk about your experience, or “feeling your feelings”.
It’s also about having someone in your corner; who listens intently.
Someone who helps you see your missed connections…
And someone who sometimes points out your sh*t in a way that feels supportive.
A therapist’s role is to have your back while you take it all on. This ethic of pushing through in the face of adversity is what guided me through my painting career and it’s the backbone of the approach I will display with clients.
So maybe you don’t need therapy… but it sure as hell wouldn’t hurt.
Albeit, I can’t promise things will immediately get better. It’s like my dad says,
“Gotta crack a few eggs in order to make an omelette.”
Seth will be beginning his internship with Kalamazoo Therapy Group in September. To schedule with him, fill out the contact form below.